COMEDY - AUGUST 2015

I decided that it was time to finally memorize a new monologue. Not just because I was long overdue to do so, but the nature of the play I was going to audition for also demanded it. It’s a play set in England in the 1400s. At first I thought maybe Shakespeare. Then I researched this play online and found that – despite the time period it was set in – all the characters’ dialogue is spoken colloquially. And that maybe it was a dark comedy.

Even though I found the new monologue a week previously, I didn’t decide to memorize it until the day of the audition. I AM LAZY.

It wasn’t all that hard, but it kinda hit me that it was still a weak monologue for the show I was auditioning for. Too late, anyway.

Then – about two hours before the audition – the mother of all thunderstorms hit. Hail everywhere. Trees knocked down. Mass hysteria.

Trees and water everywhere, so biking was out. And local public transportation was stalled on the tracks due to debris. Shit – I was going to have to walk two-and-a-half miles to the audition. Less than fifteen minutes in, the high 90s degree temps and the even higher humidity had mostly dried the still passable streets, but it was too late to turn back for the bike. Also, because of the heat, I had decided to forego socks, so by the time I had showed up to the audition space with three minutes to spare, both my feet were covered in blisters.

Two actors I had worked with were there. We didn’t say much because we were more concerned with going over our monologues.

I went in and did my monologue for three people, one of whom was the director of the staged reading I had done the previous month. I thought I did a decent job performance-wise, but there was still that nagging feeling that the monologue I did wasn’t right for the show.

So I went out and got really shnockered afterwards.

A few days later I got one of the more strangely worded rejection emails, saying that “unfortunately, you were unsuccessful”.

Yes. I suppose.