The
auditions are cold-readings, which I prefer. I claim to be no good at improv,
but I consider cold readings to be a sort of scripted improv. You have to make
up and inhabit a completely new character on the spot with only a few minutes
familiarization of the script. Also, most cold readings (such as this one) are
done in front of all of the actors. The first group has it easy. Every actor,
in every following group, in different permutations has to be worried whether
they’re copying a previous actor’s performance, mannerisms, etc.
Right
away, I clock three attractive actresses. But the person who makes the most
impression is another actor. The outside temperatures were in the
30s. But this jerk isn’t wearing a coat – merely a tweed jacket, and a scarf
wrapped twice around his neck. To complete this bohemian air, he’s got floppy
hair and a beard. I take an instant dislike to him.
All of the actors are called into the black box and go through the same scene several times over the next
hour. At one point, Bohemian Guy makes me feel bad about disliking him by
having really excellent comic timing. And then he places his hand on the knee
of the attractive actress playing his wife and I go back to disliking him. One
actress is super late to the auditions. When she gets up to do a scene, she’s
really awful and stilted. I feel embarrassed for her. I then feel relieved when
the director doesn’t have her get up again. Later that night, I get invited to
callbacks.
CALLBACKS A FEW DAYS LATER...
I don’t
see any familiar faces at the callbacks except one of the attractive
actresses…and the same side from the first audition. What the hell? This is a
new one on me. As we're all waiting around, a Local Celebrity shows up. Basically, the Local Celebrity is a guy who's worked with the company before, is here to audition for the show, is on a (loud) first name basis with the director, and I'm Definitely Being Cast In This Show And My Being Here Is Just a Formality. Whatever.
In one
of the scene groupings, I play the main character. The director tells me to
play him slightly drunk. I happily oblige, having plenty of real world
experience. The next time around, I am assigned a different character, and the Local Celebrity is assigned the part I just read. He asks the director, “How
drunk should I play it this time?”
In
another of the scene groupings another attractive actress plays my wife. During
the scene, she starts running her hands through my hair. All I can think of at
this point is, Golly, I hope we both get cast in this. At the end of the night,
the director promises to let everyone know his decision in two days.
Three days later I get the rejection
form email. I’ve gotten used to them. However this is the first time a director
has forgotten to cut-and-paste my name at the beginning. My email began with:
“Hey Ryan" and continued on with your standard boilerplate rejection email.
My name ain't Ryan.
Part of me is miffed. Another part of me is hopeful they maybe I was sent this email in error (even though there's a small voice in my head screaming it isn't possible), so I quickly reply to the director for a clarification. But, yeah, he just forgot to change the name on the rejection email when he sent it to me.
I shared this moment on facebook the next morning much to the amusement of my actor friends. One of them consoled me with the comment: "Better luck next time, Ryan."
